THE CLERGY ABUSE CHRONICLES

A "Moment of Obligation" in My Experience

I don't usually watch the evening news, but one evening in mid-January I happened to catch the ABC World News Report. Father John Geoghan, they reported, was finally in the courtroom, on trial for claims that he molested and raped numerous children over the thirty years of his days as a parish priest. The story had been brewing for years but was not coming to a full, roiling boil. When ABC's commentator finished describing one of the trial's early days, and telling about the church's desire to handle such cases in secret tribunals, he remarked that, of course, the kind of behavior exhibited by Geoghan went against all the tenets of the Catholic religion.

That's when I sat up and took notice. No! I exclaimed aloud to my husband, Roo. It's simply not true. The tenets of the Roman Catholic religion are precisely what have given rise to the abuse of power by both its clergy and hierarchy.

Did I know what I was talking about?

Almost a year prior to this broadcast my book, Where Two Or More Are Gathered: A New Church for the 21st Century, had been published. In the book I tell the story of my sexual, emotional and spiritual abuse by a priest when I was ten year old student in a parochial school in Marietta, Georgia. I recount my lifelong quest to make sense of the distortion we have been taught is Christianity. This included a confrontation with my abuser where I found him at a local monastery thirty years after his crime had gone unpunished. I learned a great deal that day about the sense of entitlement enjoyed by male clergy in a dominant religious hierarchy and wrote about it with as much clarity as I could. But first-time authors, especially those of us with the low self-esteem of sexual abuse survivors, don't expect a lot of response to their work. Oh yeah, I had dreams of being on Oprah-I know I'd be exactly the kind of guest that would work for her show. But I'd settle for local radio programs, or a review from a kind friend on Amazon.com.

Now, watching the sexual abuse scandal unfold involving another priest and other victims besides me, it finally dawned on me. I realized I did indeed have the combination of experience and insight that qualified me to comment on what was happening within the Catholic church. I could see clearly that the Emperor had no clothes on. I was compelled to say so.

The next morning I got up and within a couple of hours wrote the OpEd piece called "Shame on the Vatican." The words filled the computer screen seemingly without effort. When I was done, I faxed and emailed it off to The Boston Globe, The NY Times, The Washington Post and the Atlanta-Journal Constitution. The last of these published it on January 23, 2002 under the headline "Church should not give cover to abusive priests." I had the remove the reference to the location where the abuse took place and disguise the priest's name. I was able to convince the editor to leave in the segment that describes when another priest tried to talk me out of finding Father Biggers at the monastery. I also slipped in a bio note that described me as the author of Where Two or More Are Gathered, (all the while believing this clever marketing ploy would jackrabbit my heretofore pokey book sales).

But other than a couple of calls and emails from interested parties and well-wishers, and, apart from meeting with one of them (more about Ken Krautter later), I pretty much put the whole matter aside. I felt I'd said my piece and that seemed to be enough.

Yet, with the advantage of a few months hindsight, I now feel this was what one brilliant essayist called a "moment of obligation in experience". I find I am impelled to speak and to act to an extent I can no longer call voluntary, although I fully consent to it. I am obliged, not so much by a sense of duty as of destiny, to chronicle my participation and witness in this so-called clergy abuse scandal. I cannot escape the feeling that right now, underlying this religious scandal, a collision of forces of archetypal proportions, is occurring.

As I write this now in mid-May, I notice that media coverage of this issue has been turned down to a low simmer. To read the paper or watch the news you might think the problem's been resolved. But I know that's not so-it's simply that for the moment "news" generators have moved on to something more profitable. The reality is that thousands of clergy abuse victim/survivors continue to live daily with the knowledge that there is no statute of limitations on their suffering. No, until the church hierarchy recognizes and acts upon their responsibility to make appropriate restitution, the problem remains. Hence, my commitment to keep the issue alive until some real healing takes place (i.e. healing as acknowledged by those who were harmed, not by those who did the harm) and we see a transformation in the Roman Catholic Church.

In these pages of my "Clergy Abuse Chronicle" I intend to share with you my personal experience of dealing with the public revelation of my sexual abuse. You will find here a kind of diary of events in my life since January, 2002 as they relate to the scandal. I will provide links to published articles (my own and others) or pertinent websites, as well as copies of correspondence with various church officials. You'll learn, as I have, about the characters in this unfolding story, and the various parts they play (including the amazing appearance of Sister Mary Clare, my fifth-grade teacher!). In reading this, I hope you'll be informed, outraged, and ultimately moved to be a part of the healing this dramatic upheaval within the Catholic church promises to bring to all of Western civilization.

Ellie Harold
May 13, 2002
Norcross, Ga.

Copyrighted, NCM Press, 2002