It seems to me that you are lacking an ability to distinguish between a very real difference between degrees of seriousness.

If someone gets drunk, drives a car, and kills someone in the process, that is a very different thing than a serial killer's acts. While the perpetrator of the drunk driving accident is guilty of negligence and manslaughter and should be punished, the mental and emotional processes that led him to the act are very different from those of the serial killer.

I think that's all the Cardinal of Chicago was trying to say. One person has much more of a chance of reform than the other. One person is more evil than the other, to put it simply.

You are being irresponsible and intellectually dishonest by reading into his statement a lack of concern for the female victim of statutory rape (albeit maybe consensual if the girl allows for the sex) compared to the concern for a young man or boy who is the victim of a sex crime.

Your take on this issue is so obviously tainted by your dislike for the Catholic Church. I wouldn't mind that if you would only admit it up front, instead of asserting something like this: "This scandal is about ... the decades-long, institutionalized conspiracy by church leaders to protect their priests at the expense of believers -- families, adults and children." This is your opinion based on scattered and loose facts. And, once again, you are reading so much into the minds of the people involved.

Your statement assumes that bishops are uncaring, selfish, petty people. Do you personally know any bishops? Do you know how much good they do for the community in terms of not only pastoral duties, but hospitals, shelters, and the care for AIDS sufferers? No, of course not. You simply assume they are horrible people because they disapprove of homosexuality, and as a homosexual, you think that means they disapprove of you.

That is not, or at least should not, be the case. Here again is where having the ability to distinguish important differences is so important. Maintaining that homosexualityÑand pedophilia, pre-martial sex, sex between non-consenting spouses, etc.Ñis wrong and harmful to the soul of the individual is not the same as saying that the individual is a horrible person or beneath contempt. On the contrary, we as Christians are expected to love the sinner and hate the sin. I'm sure you scoff at this distinction as being essentially meaningless, and there are many Christians who fail to live up to this very clear standard. But nevertheless, it is not only possible, but quite common to see this attitude amongst Christians. We MUST have this attitude, otherwise we would constantly hate ourselves for the many errors or sins we commit everyday.

It is true that a Catholic will generally give more weight to the sin of homosexuality than that of, say, telling a white lie, because our sexuality is such a wonderful, important gift from God, that its abuse is that much more serious. But once again, that does not mean that I cannot love you, Jay, and wish nothing but the best for you, even if I think your homosexual activity (not inclinations) is sinful. I have to make the same distinction with my friends, family, and colleagues all of the time.

So, please stop assuming that the mean old bishops are out to get you or have no compassion in their hearts for the victims of these crimes. Of course they do, but this is a very difficult issue to deal with and very embarrassing. "Never attribute to malice that which can be attributed to stupidity." The bishops have made mistakes and they are trying to look at the core causes for the problem. Their cover up is not a cause, but a reaction to the problem. The core problem is that our priests are being told by society and even by fellow priests that it is okay to act not only on their homosexual urges, but that their pedophilic or ephebophilicurges are not even THAT bad. This opens that door inside their souls just enough to allow the priest to walk through and commit a crime.

You can deny the connection between homosexuality and pedo- or ephebophiliaall you like, but that does not mean that there is not actually a connection.

- Trey Hoffman

Your latest column concerning the Catholic Church's attempt to place the blame for pedophilia acts on homosexuals is right on the mark. I only wish that we would see a column or article in the 'mainstream' news media, print or otherwise, taking the Catholic Church to task for using homosexuals as scapegoats for truly criminal acts that have nothing to do with homosexuality.

- Kathleen Lewis

---

Thanks, Jay. I wish more people were speaking out loud about this aspect of things. A LOT of conservatives are pointing out that the abused kids are mostly teenaged boys and saying that in that case it's not pedophilia, it's homosexual. I get incensed, but I didn't know how to argue that angle. I appreciate you help for the next time I have to.

I do wonder though, how many teenaged girls are just not talking. It's certainly no secret that there are a lot of grown women and men that have been lovers with priests, but I really can't believe that there are no young girls caught up in this mess.

- Cris Stanfill, Decatur

---

I am a former Atlantan and still catch the paper on the Internet many mornings. Your article on the broadbrush painting going on in the assignation of blame for sexual abuse directed at minors was very helpful to me this morning. I already knew what you wrote to be true, I just didn't know how to express the distortion going on. I hope this column gets wide attention.

- Martha Sterne, Maryville, Tenn.

---

Photos show 2 gay men's different choices

I accept the fact that many gays and lesbians are in the closet, either partially or entirely, and that everyone has their own pace for coming out. We need to appreciate, however, the significance of moving forward on that path. This is called growth -- for the individual, for the gay community, and for society in general.

I am fortunate that my coming-out process two years ago was very well received by family, friends, and colleagues. I no longer need to deceive the people I care most about or conceal portions of my life that are normally open for straight people. This gives me the strength to be a better person, and from this I have grown.

The gay community takes a step forward each time one of us comes out of the closet and acknowledges -- to anyone -- who they are. It grows for every person that tells another, "I am gay."

Society, specifically those people who have never interacted with gays, also benefits from this because it tears down the barrier called the fear of the unknown. It's easier to accept someone and respect their differences if you have personal contact with them.

- Tom Miller, Alpharetta

---

I have had to reflect on your latest column; at first I was quite upset, then confused, and now I am looking at it in a different light. However, I don't think the story was written as I am ultimately taking it. While you didn't say the individual by name, you were unnecessarily harsh on him. Just because someone is worried (and VERY justly so) how some co-workers, family or friends would react to knowing their son is gay; makes them no less gay or happy with the partners of their choice; than would a straight guy being worried if a picture were in the paper of him in ballet class, going to a Broadway show or GASP a Cher show!

However your last two lines were very telling; "But one of these men makes his own choices, while the other gives that power away. How would you rather live?" This to me, goes to a core subject of people struggling to come to terms of their sexuality, to themselves, their family, friends and co-workers; as well as to the bigots of the world.

I am gay and always have been, but it took me 35 years to tell my family and friends all of whom are still very loving and supportive to me, but their are MANY, who have not had that experience. WHY would someone CHOOSE to be gay? WHY would (or should - other than a true and rational fear) not want a flattering picture be in the paper, rather than some other good looking guy? Let's face it -- if prejudice, bigotry and fear didn't exist we would ALL - gay, straight, black, white, male, female RATHER be happy and proud of how and what we are and contribute to our neighborhoods, but sadly that can not always be.

So, while I am very happy that you have a job, where part of the requirement is that your gay, not everybody has that freedom or safety. Their are enough people in the world to put gay people down, the last thing we need is for the gay society to start making judgments as to our "gayness."

- Rob Bitterman, Dallas, Ga.

---

The one thing about your "Don't shoot me" that bugs me is how people forget that we all have a right to live our lives how we want. In the long run, it is no big deal that the picture was not used, he is still living his life the way he wants and that is kewl. Just because he is gay and not living life like you does not make it wrong. This is something a lot of gays forget, not all want a rainbow, or to be judged by who they sleep with. Not all gay men follow what GLAAD tells them; they can make up their own minds. What comes first on your list, sometimes does not even make the list of others ... and that is fine, that is life.

- Chris Lopez, Atlanta

---

I definitely would stay in hiding too. I can only imagine how people would react to knowing a person is openly queer. I know that most would react with revulsion! He is very wise to keep quiet. Please, please stay incognito!

- CK Hall

---

Some of those people may have consented if the picture was going to appear in SoVo, because its niche readership would give them cover. Similar issues come up for gay papers, of course.

For a "Pictures of Pride" recap, a paper I once worked for ran a photograph of a commitment ceremony. That was fine then. But when we ran it again for a preview the next year, a woman called and asked us to destroy it. Her new job was with city's public school system and she didn't want to risk her job.

It's bizarre that she'd go to a mass public commitment ceremony, but feared people would find out she was a lesbian.

- Jeffrey Terrell, Atlanta

---

Some advice from a mom -- don't judge until you've walked a mile in his moccasins. My son has been "out" for a long time and my family is very happy and content. But not everyone believes the way I do.

Nothing makes me happier than to see my three children honoring who they are!

- Martha Sandlin

---

Every time I read your sicko writing I wonder if the small sacrifice of time I served in a cold, wet Korean battlefield so that the United States could enjoy our freedoms was worth the effort.

Did my best buddy take a Chinese shot in the leg just so you can spew your sick queer propaganda to anyone who is perverted enough to read it?

Perhaps so, but when I have the stomach to read your tripe I still wonder!

- Steve Halstead

---

C'mon Jay. . . I've always enjoyed reading your articles (and more importantly your letters from readers - - primarily the hicks in Alabama who usually have the most remarkably passionate responses!). But this time I got to the bottom of your article and wondered, "Is there a 'next page' button I'm supposed to click? Where's the conclusion to this story? Surely this isn't it!" You have always been very effective in soliciting controversy and invoking heated debates from both sides of the fence, but this one was just plain silly. "How would YOU rather live??" "Gee, Jay. . . I want to live in fear for my job, my safety, my livelihood." I wonder how many responses you'll get on that side of the fence?

We all recognize and remember what it was like to live in fear of those things happening to us. It's a sad memory for me, and one I'm glad is over. But I can relate to those who are still going through it; and respect their rights to ease out of that closet whenever they feel ready - - even if that time is 'never'. The real world that we live in still isn't conducive to making the answer to that question a "no brainer". To those that need time coming out, I say "take all the time in the world!" That is probably the only aspect of our life that truly IS 'a choice.'

- Darren R. Huennekens, Atlanta

---

It's sad that members of our community feel compelled to hide such an intricate part of themselves from society. I would assume the individual who withdrew from the photo shoot had some idea of how his "outing" would be received by his co-workers, etc. I would not attempt to convince the "would be model" to do something he is not totally comfortable with.

Here is another spin, if he is not totally out, how would members of his family be affected by this type of exposure? Would they be subject to similar reactions from their coworkers, etc? Would they feel compelled to defend their relative's sexual orientation?

I view myself as a gay activist. I just happen to be heterosexual, but am an ardent supporter of the gay political causes. My son is gay. The public must realize that for every gay person there goes a set of parents. Many of these parents feel the need to hide in the closet their children just exited. When friends ask why John hasn't gotten married yet, can this parent say "because they haven't legalized gay unions yet, but not to worry he is in a very healthy committed relationship and we love his partner." Or, are they prone to make excuses like "he is so busy with his career, he hasn't found the right woman."

What happens at large family functions? I look forward to the day my son is in a committed relationship so I can dare my homophobic family to say anything hurtful to my son or his partner. They were very accepting when my daughter brought her rock band drummer one holiday and the tattoo artist the next.

- Debi Lowry, Marietta

More letters

---

Jay Croft is an online editor for ajc.com

Join his e-mail notification list; we send an alert whenever a new column goes up.
Read his bio.

Back to top   |   ajc.com home